it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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