You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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