the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
