It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
