I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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