porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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