Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
