Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
