I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
