Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
