she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
