I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
