Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
