and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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