I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
