I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
