does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
