i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
