One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
