So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
