hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Will you blow on my dice?
If that was your dad, he is hot
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
