if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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