Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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