thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
