I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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