Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
