Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
