5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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