Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
