I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
