So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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