What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
