Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
