Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
