is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
