After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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