i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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