I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
