so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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