I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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