it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Alive.
So much puke
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
