she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
