Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
