I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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