It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
