A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
