There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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