I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
