We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
