I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
