So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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